When Joel & I were dating, pretty much the only things we would argue about would have to do with deep religious, philosophical or value beliefs. Those disagreements were ugly, difficult and challenging. We would talk for hours, and it seemed we would get paralyzed in our conversations. We would get to a point where we just didn’t agree, couldn’t see eye to eye. We simply held different views and we didn’t see how to reconcile them.
It now seems like forever since we argued like that, even though it has been a little over a year and even though we argued like that for about 3 years. In so many ways, even though it was so tough and unpleasant, we are both thankful for those discussions. We really challenged each other and grew so much. Growing hurts! But I love being able to grow with Joel. I think it showed us that we can stick together since we worked through such difficult disagreements.
During the past year, we both grew closer together and finally reconciled a lot of our differences, hence the reason we felt able to get married (to become one). We know better how to discuss our differing points of view and we also see the other’s perspective more clearly and with deeper understanding.
But now, since we have been married, we are having our first real arguments that are “normal.” I say normal because while other couples I knew were arguing over some miscommunication or “you didn’t call me” triviality, we were arguing over abortion, interpreting certain biblical passages and other issues. Before it was such a strong feeling that we had to work it out or we couldn’t continue on. We couldn’t be together if we held such opposing beliefs. We couldn’t truly become one if we were so different. And so now, I can honestly say that it is a joy to argue over these little things. If you heard us, you will probably hear Joel get frustrated and raise his voice, and me get frustrated and cry, but that lasts about 5 minutes, and then I start laughing. I am able to step back and say, you know what, I don’t really care. I don’t really care that you want to organize your files before we clean the closet together, I don’t really care that you want me to put the toilet paper roll on the holder. Everyone argues a little, and we quickly realize that we aren’t understanding each other right or that we just had different ideas of how we wanted to do something. But it is such a wonderful feeling to know, only 5 minutes into an argument that it really doesn’t matter. That this isn’t a matter that we can’t become one over. This isn’t a matter that will make me question our ethical perspectives. This is just the daily learning to live with another person, and we just need to stop our emotions and learn to see where the other person is coming from. Having those past philosophical arguments make me find joy in these trivial ones. It seems funny, but it just feels great to know that even though we disagreed, that it doesn’t matter and we can work it out easily. And even if we really disagreed on which room we should start cleaning first, we can agree to disagree and begin cleaning separately. So I am just enjoying having little arguments, that are easy to work out and that bring us closer.
Oh the blisses of our married life.
1 comment:
Wow this is so wonderful...moving...I know it's an old post but I have to catch up some time and it really made me feel happy. It's like listening to an uplifting song. I feel so happy right now. Thanks for the spirit lifter!
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