Well, I haven’t written during the month of July, but I had a good excuse, I was getting married! However, now I have almost gone the whole month of August without writing too! That’s too long.
I have learned an interesting thing about getting pregnant. If you really want to get pregnant, you might not be able to. I think there is something funny going on with my body. In my experience, I cannot choose to get pregnant, it is just going to have to happen without me trying to will it. Because last month, my wanting to be pregnant so much made me think I was pregnant, and it delayed my period! I couldn’t believe. The day I took a test, two weeks after my missed period, I thought for sure it would say yes or positive. But it was a negative. I was surprised. Then where was my period? That night, I started my period. I was only able to start my period once I realized that I wasn’t pregnant. I think I fooled my body into thinking it was pregnant. It Might sound silly, but it doesn’t matter. It’s too coincidental to me to happen to start my period two weeks late, and not start until the very day that I discovered for sure that I wasn’t pregnant. So the new plan is to not think about pregnancy at all. (notice that the title of this blog is no longer called Reflections of Pregnancy & Parenting!)
Which is easy enough. I just moved into my new place, and I have many things to do. Everyone keeps asking if I have a job or plan on getting one yet. The answer is no. It seems like there is a popular attitude that all people aren’t really contributing to the family unless they are working. I do not believe that is right. I do believe in the idea that there is a lot that needs to be done and that its not the best for my family (me and Joel) to have us both working.
I only consider getting a job when I look at our finances. They are tight. But I know it is going to be ok. I don’t want to just go out and get any job. If I work, I want to do work that I love and that I am good at. Not just be a secretary or something. But I left my career path. And the only other career path I think I might enjoy at this time would be getting a masters in philosophy and teaching as well. But that’s not what I really want. What I really want now is to turn in this new direction that I have been feeling called to go in since I was in Pittsburgh. I want to be a mom, a wife, to be at home. I want to keep the house clean, I want to cook, I love cooking actually. I want to do all that because it all is something that I can get better at and it will allow Joel and I to have a warm, happy, healthy home. This stuff I am doing takes up so much time! It is certainly a full time job. And we aren’t making money off of it. But there is more to life than money. Our quality of life is going up. We are so happy at every meal we eat. And we have a nice place to share with everyone.
And I am mainly talking about cooking and cleaning because that is all I have time do to right now. But I fully anticipate that to not take so long once I get into it more. I will find more efficient ways to do things. And once everything is in its place then it will not take long to get into a cleaning schedule where everything will run smoother and with less thought involved. My plan then is of two kinds. One I am going to be involved in continuing my education by reading various books and subjects. Mostly it will be philosophy and psychology since I have accumulated so many good books that I haven’t been able to read yet. But I also want to prepare myself to be a good homeschool teacher. I know that there are so many ways to homeschool and so many options, I want to better prepare myself for it. And when I do get pregnant, I will continue to write my thoughts about that. I also have had some ideas for possible books to write. They might never be publishable, but that is to be decided after they are written not before. So again, I don’t know if my writing, reading, thinking, cleaning, crafting, and cooking will lead to anything in terms of money. But the effect it will all have on our house, on our relationship, on me and on our children will be immeasurable. I do feel called to be home, pursuing these things. To me I feel like my presence and all the fruits of my labor will be more beneficial to my self and my family than if I were to bring in a steady amount of income as well and both Joel and I worked equally on chores and cooking.
I am not saying every woman should work at home or not have a career. But I am saying that Joel and I have come to an agreement together of how we wanted our marriage to be. What our roles and jobs would be. And this is what is working out best for us. We are both happy, both enjoying the benefits of each other’s work, and we are both working happily together to do the things the other can’t do at the same time. So am I working, yes I am working. And I am loving every minute of it, even though it is challenging and consumes a lot of energy. I think that is how Joel feels about his teaching as well.
